The Blob: A Pack of “Lols”

When I found out that we had to watch the Blob for this class, I thought “great, another bad 80s horror film.” But honestly, I really enjoyed it. Sure, it wasn’t scary–like at all, but I enjoyed it immensely. If you’re looking for a film to laugh at with someone you care about, this is the film for you.

The Blob 1988 2

The Blob starts like most of the movies we’ve watched in this class: with a long title sequence in the woods with nothing happening for the first four minutes. Cut to a guy trying to jump a creek in a dirt bike, falling, and getting laughed at by a homeless hippie who collects cans and melts them down in the forest. The horror element isn’t really introduced until 20 minutes in, where said hippie sees an comet streak through the sky and land in the woods (a lot of stuff happens in the woods, you guys.)  The hippie, AKA Captain Planet investigates and starts having the worst night of his life when the blob shoots out of the comet and latches onto his hand. Captain Planet later dies in the emergency room, never to rise again to fight the forces of pollution.

The-Blob-1988-01Joking aside, the movie had a lot of surprising poetic justice. One of the deaths involves the blob attacking a football player’s girlfriend while he searches in the trunk for drinks. Upon returning to the steamy backseat, he realizes his girlfriend is asleep, and, in typical sleaze-ball fashion, tries to cop a feel inside her shirt while she’s passed out. Only, oops, the blob has already killed her, and doesn’t want a high school boy touching its boobs, so it kills him by exploding the girl’s face and absorbing him. #YayFeminism

It was, all in all, a really fun movie. The deaths are great, the director really piled on the gore. It’s not Saving Private Ryan gore though, it won’t make your stomach turn or make you want to look away. It’s more of the “oh look, that guy’s face is melting off…AWESOME!” gore.

From a storytelling standpoint, I’d give it a 6/10. The story was enjoyable, but predictable beyond a doubt. Good Girl and Bad Boy fall for each other, the government is out to get us, parents are oblivious. You know, 80s stuff. The best thing I can say about this movie was that it was just funny. Early in the film we see a football player buying condoms from a pharmacy–and a del-closepriest comes up and starts talking to him. BUT WAIT! PlOT TWIST: our strapping young hero is buying condoms from his date’s dad but neither of them realize it until they’re introduced in the next scene.

All things aside, however, my least favorite part of the movie was the ending, where we see the priest give a sermon on judgement day. After the sermon, there’s a cut scene to him holding a jar with a piece of the blob in it. “When will it come, preacher? The Rapture?”

“Soon.” He growls as he lifts the captured blob up to his one good eye and sneers.

….Really? I mean I know you have to do a sequel, but could we be less obvious? You just gave us the plot of the entire next film. Oh well.

That aside, it was a really fun film, and I would recommend it to all ages high school and up. 8/10



5 thoughts on “The Blob: A Pack of “Lols”

  1. As you point out, the horror begins in the woods. We don’t see the hobo OUTSIDE of the woods until the kids nearly run him over in the road and take him to the hospital. The forest is the symbol of the primal consciousness, the deep unconscious, it’s where Young Goodman Brown meets the stranger and learns the awful truth. It’s a metaphor for the unknown within.

    But dude, what was up with the hero’s Adrienne-Barbeau-style pre-updo? That hair. I used to have that hair, but curlier. Baldness–best thing to ever happen to me.

    Here’s the beautiful thing: There wasn’t a sequel to the 1988 remake. That promise went unmet, and remains unmet, and if it continues to go unmet then the horror abides–somewhere out there, there’s the threat of The Blob II.

  2. I’m starting to believe this is a more of a part-movie/drunk-movie. Like I posted on your FB link, I think I would’ve gotten far more enjoyment from this movie if I’d been drunk with company, rather than sober and alone. Certain movies play better in certain situations, and this seems like one of em.

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